老外對結(jié)婚是怎么看的？
----一個(gè)老外眼中的中國式結(jié)婚vs西方式結(jié)婚
前情提要：我來自荷蘭，這是一個(gè)在西方國家中也算非常標(biāo)榜自由主義的國家。我今天要說的很適合荷蘭的情況，但不一定適合每一個(gè)人。但是因?yàn)楹商m和中國依然有很大的不同，所以今天話題應(yīng)該還是又有趣的。
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我現(xiàn)在在中國已經(jīng)住了幾年了，和一個(gè)中國女孩正式戀愛也有很長時(shí)間了。不過，我們還沒有結(jié)婚。在荷蘭、在歐洲，我們對婚姻的看法很不一樣，我父母就沒有結(jié)婚，但是他們有兩個(gè)。在荷蘭的時(shí)候，我也和一個(gè)女孩談過長達(dá)12年的戀愛，但是我們沒有結(jié)婚，事實(shí)上我和對方都不想結(jié)婚。大多數(shù)我同齡（32歲）的荷蘭朋友都沒有結(jié)婚，盡管他們可能已經(jīng)有了。
我的中國朋友總是不能理解這一點(diǎn)，因?yàn)閷λ麄儊碚f，婚姻很重要！
我覺得人們理解的不同有以下幾個(gè)原因。首先是she會(huì)：在中國，如果你沒有工作，也沒有什么人際關(guān)系來幫你，你就完了，很有可能要去街上要飯。在荷蘭，不管你是男人還是女人，如果你沒有錢，政府會(huì)幫助你，保證你有吃有住有衣服穿。所以人們沒必要為了尋求安全感而結(jié)婚。戀人在一起完全是因?yàn)閻矍椋渌ū热珏X）都不是主要的原因。
雖說愛情是主要原因，但是感情也是會(huì)變的，也許你現(xiàn)在愛一個(gè)人，但是10年以后，兩個(gè)人的感情都可能會(huì)變。我們認(rèn)為如果這樣兩個(gè)人還因?yàn)榛橐龃粼谝黄?，?shí)在是很不明智。在一起就只是因?yàn)槲覀兿朐谝黄?，不是為了一紙婚姻?/p>
當(dāng)然，我們也很支持兩個(gè)真正相愛的人結(jié)婚，但是如果你和你的第一個(gè)或第二個(gè)男女朋友結(jié)婚，你怎么知道你喜歡的類型就會(huì)是這樣？在荷蘭，我們覺得你應(yīng)該多經(jīng)歷一些，然后再結(jié)婚，這樣你才真正知道自己想和什么樣的人在一起。
最后，我們也沒有計(jì)劃生育。在中國，為了的問題你必須結(jié)婚，但是荷蘭不是這樣，很多荷蘭人沒結(jié)婚，但是也養(yǎng)育。
總之，我們有很多原因讓我們不結(jié)婚。我們堅(jiān)持認(rèn)為真愛最重要，一紙結(jié)婚證書是次要的。這并不是說我們不認(rèn)真嚴(yán)肅對待感情，是因?yàn)榻Y(jié)婚也可能會(huì)離婚，所以不管有沒有結(jié)婚，你都要為愛情奮戰(zhàn)。
我女朋友在美國生活了五年，她已經(jīng)了解了西方的婚姻觀，所以她雖然也想結(jié)婚，但是覺得婚姻并不是那么重要。我們也經(jīng)常討論這個(gè)話題，她表示還是有點(diǎn)想結(jié)婚。我見過她的父母，他們覺得因?yàn)槲沂莻€(gè)外國人，所以要先“考察”我一段時(shí)間，然后再考慮結(jié)婚。他們只是希望女兒可以幸福。我希望可以通過考驗(yàn)……我還是會(huì)和她結(jié)婚的，她是中國人，如果我們想要個(gè)，我們得結(jié)婚，如果我們想回荷蘭，不結(jié)婚也很難拿到綠卡。不過我們肯定不是為了結(jié)婚而結(jié)婚！
如果你想和我聊關(guān)于婚姻觀念或者英語的問題，你都可以在wordoor上找到我，我叫joren，我很樂意和你一起分享對于婚姻的觀點(diǎn)和想法，我們可以成為朋友。
英文原版：
note: i’m from holland which is, even in the west, ery liberal country. what i say here applies to where i come from, but might not apply to everyone. but, because where i come from is so different from people in china, it might still be interesting.
i he lived in china for a couple of years now, and he a long term serious relationship with a chinese girl. however, we are not married. i’m from holland, and in europe we think different about marriage; my parents never got married, but had two kids. in holland, i used to be in a relationship for 12 years, and i didn’t get married. we both didn’t want to. most of my (32 year old) friends in holland are not married, even though they might he children.
new chinese friends i meet often don’t understand. for them, marriage is so important!
i think that the difference comes from a few things. first is the society. in china, if you don’t he a job, and don’t he a n廣告ork to help you, you he a big problem. maybe you should even beg on the street! in holland, if you are a man or a woman, if you don’t he money, the government will help you and make sure you he enough money for food, a house and clothes. so, you don’t need to be married for safety; you are in a relationship because you love each other, but safety (money and resources) are not the main reason.
the main reason is love. but, love can also change. maybe you are in love with someone right now, but in 10 years, you will both he changed. we think that to stay together, only because you are married, is not a good idea; you stay together because you want to, and you need to marriage paper for that!
also, we believe very strongly that you should get married to someone you really like. but, if you get married to your first or second girlfriend, how do you know what kind of boyfriend/girlfriend you like? in holland, we think that you should he some experience before you??get married. then, you really know that this person is someone you want to stay with.
finally, we don’t he a one-child policy. in china, you need a marriage for your child to get a hukoubar, but we don’t he this in holland. a lot of people are not together anymore, but raise a child anyway.
all in all, we he a lot of different reasons to not get married. we think love is the most important, and the papers are second. that does not mean we are not serious! however, a marriage can also end in a divorce, and whether you are married or not, you he to fight for your relationship.
my girlfriend has lived in america for five years. she has seen how marriage is in the west, and wants to get married, but it’s not so important to her. we talk a lot about it, and she also w
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rences in understanding come from a couple of reasons. firstly social security: in china if you don’t have a job or connections to help you, you may be in serious trouble and end up on the streets. in holland, whether you are a man or a woman, if you don’t have money, the government will help you to ensure that you have food, housing, and clothes. so people don’t need to get married just to feel secure. being together is because of love, not because of any other reasons such as money.
although love is the main reason, feelings can change, you may love someone now, but in 10 years, both people’s feelings may have changed. we think it would be unwise to stay together because of marriage. being together because we want to be together, not because of a piece of paper that says we are married.
of course, we also support when two people who truly love each other get married. but if you get married to your first or second boyfriend or girlfriend, how do you know the type you like? in holland, we think you should experience more and then get married so you truly know who you want to be with.
finally, we don’t have a one-child policy. in china, if you want a child, you must get married, but in holland, many people have children without being married.
in summary, we have many reasons why we don’t get married. we believe that true love is the most important thing, a marriage license is secondary. this doesn’t mean we don’t take love seriously, we are just aware that marriage can also lead to divorce, so whether or not you’re married, you still have to fight for love.
my girlfriend has lived in america for five years, so she understands western views on marriage, but she still wants to get married. we often talk about this topic, and she says she still wants to get married. i’ve met her parents, and they want to “test” me for a while before considering marriage because they just want their daughter to be happy. i hope to pass the test… i will still marry her, she is chinese, if we want kids, we have to get married, and if we want to go back to holland, it’s also difficult without being married. but we certainly won’t marry just because we have to.
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